apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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