after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize