i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
