he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
