I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At least make sure they are 18
Why
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
