So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
