I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
