so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize