fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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