your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
