Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
420 ftw
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize