I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
