i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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