The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
