Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
