My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
