the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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