after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we should paint friendship bongs
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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