I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
