I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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