He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
