for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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