at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
