everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
