I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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