She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
