So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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