You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
