I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
