My hand turned me down
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
