When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
