am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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