I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
