Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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