How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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