i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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