I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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