he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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