I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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