Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
