when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
