Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
