You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
