Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
