It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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