Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize