also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
