Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
