Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they're like a gay fantastic four
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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