I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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