my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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