I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet he comes in French.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
