he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
