I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I love you. Go after that dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
