I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
