We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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