you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
