i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
