I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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