Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
