you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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