I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
